Do companies even give Christmas bonuses anymore? I wouldn’t know (HINT HINT). There was probably some oversensitive person who complained to H.R. that “Christmas bonuses are not inclusive to non-Christians and those of no religious beliefs.” So instead of naming it the “Christmahannukwanzadan bonus,” the employers said, “Fuck it, I’m not dealing with this shit. From now on no bonuses for anyone.” Thanks a lot Brenda from sales.
Most of us will get no Christmas bonus or some unappreciative garbage like a holiday card, a scratch-off lotto ticket or $5.99 bottle of wine. But one company is doing it right and treating their employees like they actually care about them. Crazy, I know.
Employees at Hilcorp received a $100,000 Christmas bonus this year. The Houston-based business is one of the largest privately held oil and natural gas exploration and production companies in the United States.
No Jelly of the Month Club coupons for these lucky fucks. This is a real sign of appreciation and putting your money where your mouth is.
And the extremely benevolent bonus didn’t just go to the board of directors and the owner’s 22-year-old nephew who interns there. ALL 1,380 employees got $100,00.
“It’s just a true gift and I don’t think that myself along with everyone is not going to give less than 100% every day,” said receptionist Amanda Thompson.
Hilcorp was one of the “Fortune 100 Best Companies to Work For” list in 2015, the third year in a row. Back in 2010, the company met a 5-year goal, and all employees were given a choice of a $50,000 car or $35,000 in cash. Looks like I need to go doctor my resume and add 20 years of natural gas exploration on it tonight.
Because I’m an evil and jealous creature, how funny would it be if they company told every employee that they would get a 100 grand, then just gave them a candy bar. “Merry Christmas! Enjoy your chocolate, caramel and crisped rice.”
The Original South Park Short “The Spirit of Christmas”