This is a late, great entry for Video of the Year. It has everything you’d want in a Video of the Year: hereos, good defeating evil, and dildos.
On Wednesday, an armed robber attempted to rob Lotions & Lace, an adult store in San Bernardino, California. However, the sex shop employees aren’t about to just hand over all the hard-earned money peddling butt plugs, edible lubricant, and anal speculums. The two female purveyors of sex toys used what was available to them to fend off the burglar – rubber dicks.
Let’s see how many puns we can make about this phallic attack.
- What a dickhead.
- This definitely violates the penal code.
- Instead of dil-do, this fuckface should have dil-don’t.
- This is the one time you want your friend to be a cockblock.
- Don’t rob sex shops, this dude found out the hard way.
- You could say this man got shafted.
- Squeeze a silicone dick and not a trigger.
- Physicians claim that the criminal is now cockeyed.
- This criminal will probably welcome having the judge throw the book at him.
- Weapons of mass seduction.
- EAT A DICK! No literally, eat a dick.
- That’s one way to beat off a robber.
- Will the employees be charged with sexual assault?
- These employees aren’t dicking around – or maybe they are
- What a dick move.
- Guns don’t kill people. People with giant rubber dicks kill people.
- Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and smashed with rubber dongs.
- Don’t bring a gun to a dildo fight.
- Turns out these ladies are just really big fans of Harambe and had their dicks out.
- This robber could have learned a lot from the movie Bruno.
[ABC7]