Bros, bring it in. I have some advice to give that, if you decide to use, could save you countless headaches and nights masturbating on the couch that is simply too short for your legs.
There is nothing more importance in a new relationship than to tell your girlfriend you love her she looks beautiful that sometimes you’re going to get cock-eyed drunk with your bros. It is imperative that you condition her mind to accept this because coming home at midnight with a 7 Eleven taquito and piss running down your leg after you told her you were “having just one or two beers with Billy” is disingenuous and misleading. This may seem illogical but 9 out of 10 girls would rather rub your back as you vomit into the shitter than have you bullshit her about your intentions. I know I’m a stranger, but trust.
I could have taught this 18-year-old named Kieron Cameron a thing or two about a thing or two before he went out and got blind drunk with his bros when he was supposed to be having a *CuDdLy NiTe* with his girlfriend, Jodie.
At some point in the night, Kieron came to and realized he’d be in deep shit, so he decided to due his due diligence in the form of a communicative ambush.
After his texts, tweets, Facetimes, Facebook messages, and Instagrams all got ignored, Kieron decided to break out the big guns, in the form of a £10 Mac makeup gift card.
Jodie eventually forgave her lover but just to really bury the hatchet, Kieron wanted to show Jodie that he was doing everything in his power to not be blacked out for her. True romance.
[h/t Mirror]