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Looking for a career change, bro?
Do you have a full functioning yogurt slinger? Is it sore-free and at least 8 inches as full mast? Do you have a pony tail? Six regrettable tattoos? Do you undervalue your relationship with your parents? Do you put a premium on lifting upper body? Are you cool with your balls whacking another man’s? If push came to shove, would you put them in your mouth? Do you grunt and talk too much on camera when everyone watching is just begging for you to shut the fuck up? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you may have a shot at making it in the porn industry.
Yes, we’ve all wondered how that mouth-breathing neanderthal got to slap skins with the divine Alexis Texas. Well, thanks to Redditor carnageeleven, whose friend was offered a job with BangBros in Miami for $35,000 a year, we now know all it takes to be a male porn star(ish).
Here’s what he had to say:
Serious answer? Apply. They’re looking for guys who have above average dicks (we’re talking 8-9″ min).
Welp, I’m out. For those of you who are left, good luck.
Can get hard very quickly with little to no real stimulation. And you should be able to cum on command. You shouldn’t have a problem with doing some things that might seem gay to most men. Rubbing you’re balls on another man’s balls while DPing an actress is a pretty common thing. You have to have a professional portfolio. Modeling pics, maybe some experience, even if it’s amateur.
Welp, out again. For those of you who can get past your ballsack slapping another, may the force be with you.
If you get as far as an interview, you will walk into a room with an older dude. He will tell you to pull out your dick. You have 30 seconds to get hard. There may or may not be an actress there. She may or may not help you. As in, she’ll allow you to look at her boobs (if you’re a good looking dude she might even let you touch her. Nothing below the waist). You will be asked to masturbate for around 10-15 min, again… With no visual stimulation or anything. The director will tell you to cum. You have a minute, tops, to blow your load. You will be given 15 min to reset and then you must get erect again and be able to maintain an erection for another 10 minutes or so and then you will be asked to cum again. 30 seconds, they get very uninterested if you have trouble controlling your climax.
I haven’t pumped out that much baby batter since my buddy gave me his Brazzers password back in 2002.
If you get through all that and perform well enough. They may offer you a job. You’ll being doing very little at first, but they’ll offer you a contract that will consist of several scenes that you have to film but may never be used. I’m explaining this from a friend who was offered a job with BangBros in Miami. They offered him 35k for the year. Not sure how much “work” he did. Or if any of it got past editing. I lost contact with him once he moved down there.
While filming a shoot, you are expected to stay erect while they change camera angels, chit chat about what the director wants, reapply the female actress’s make up, fuck around with lighting, etc. You’ve got you be able to fuck in very odd positions. For example, leg up doggy style, sideways shot from behind. Keep in mind they’re looking for good shots of the woman and you’re just a dick.
No you’re not, bro. You’re more than just a dick. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Move your leg this way, it’ll seem very awkward and uncomfortable. But it’s about what the camera sees and how it feels to you. There’s also about 12 people behind the camera during each scene, so no being modest. Try to look like you’re really turned on with the girl even though you’re thinking in your head about you’re about whatever stops you from cumming. If you blow too soon, scene is over and you’ve wasted time and money. Get it going again quickly and you can redeem yourself.
Getting it up for the fifth time shouldn’t be too hard. Especially with four dozen strangers intently watching.
Being able to control your nut is probably the most important skill you can have. Get hard on demand, cum on demand, learn to aim your nut with a snipers precision. And be quick about being able to nut again. The director will want multiple money shots so he can choose the best one. Know to keep your fucking hands and legs out of the fucking way, but still make it seem natural. You also need to be fit. If you can’t toss the girl around with ease you’re going to have trouble. Some of the girls are easy and tiny, but others are “voluptuous” and weight close to a buck 50.
Anyways… This is about as much as i can tell you. Again, you gotta be cool with some gay shit. If you’re double teaming a girl and your dicks are touching while they’re in her mouth that’s something that you gotta stay hard through. If a guy blows a load and it gets on your leg or something, don’t freak out.
Oh ok.
No one wants to reshoot if they don’t have to. Remember, time is money. They’re not in the business to lose money. It is possible you might have to suck a dick. It’s all about seeing how comfortable you are with sex. It helps to be bi, or even gay, since you’re going to be fucking a girl for upwards of an hour and you can’t be fighting your nut the entire time. Anyways… This is what I learned from a friend who got a year long contact with Bang Bros. I would imagine Brazzers and all that other shit isn’t much difference. It’s easy to get into as a girl, it’s extremely difficult to get into as a guy.
And girls are the ones bitching about equal opportunity in the workplace? Fuck outta heaaaah!
P.S. I just scrolled through about 50 photos of Ron Jeremy to find an image for this post and I legit feel like I need a shower. That trolly motherfucker must’ve struck a deal with God because he has absolutely no business getting it as often as he does.
[h/t Some eCards]