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We’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Pokémon Go is THE most dangerous game of our generation. PokéStops have caused total pandemonium, which have resulted in lawsuits. Parents are abandoning their kids to play it. Bros are racking up $5,000 phone bills to catch them all. And, now, we’ve got our first sexual assault committed by a Pokémon Go character. It was only a matter of time.
According to the Russian site, Bloknot.ru, the “victim” claims she was playing the game in bed at her Moscow apartment next to her husband when she fell asleep and was awakened by strange and violent sensations. She opened her eyes to find the character on top of her via her phone, so she jumped out of bed, and eventually found the same Pokémon lurking about in her apartment. The f*cking balls on this creature!
She told her husband, but he called her “sick”, so she took the next logical step and went to the police where they refused to take her statement. Anyone with brains told her to see a psychiatrist, but she went to a psychic instead. Of course, that helpful fortune teller completely understood her predicament, stating that the Pokémon enters into the life of people that already “started to exist in the delicate matter”. Whatever in the flying f*ck that means.
To put a nice pretty epilogue on this weird chapter in Pokémon Go history, the woman’s friend – a dude – has registered to marry a Pokémon. Moscow really hard up for that marriage license application fee, huh.
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