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Photo by Al Bello / Getty Images
You thought the Winter Olympics in Sochi were lambasted in 2014? The 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio have been the most heavily scrutinized and skewered games ever. Zika. Contaminated water. Russians getting banned for doping. Rooms in Olympic Village earning an “incomplete” grade. American basketball players staying on a super yacht while foreign b-ball Olympians are sewing their shower curtains. No McKayla Maroney. Identical triplets. Miss Bum Bum. Pornhub. It’s bananas.
While I’m sure most viewers will tune in to watch triumph, there’s nothing more satisfying for us pudgy, lazy shade-balls than seeing stud athletes — who’ve been busting their bungholes for four years — fail in fantastic fashion. I’m not saying I’m rooting for it, but a super oopsie on a global level get my gold medal e’ery time. Here’s a supercut of the most soul-crushing Summer Olympics fails.
I legit cringed when the blonde lady was walking right in the middle of that freight train in slow-mo. Do you think she passed concussion protocol or did she Case Keenum her way through the rest of her Olympic duties?
We’ve already had one memorable moment from these Olympic games as the crowd at the women’s soccer match between the Good Guys and New Zealand when everyone shouted “ZIKA!” in unison every time Hope Solo touched the ball. That’s like poking a tiger with a stick. She will decimate you with her vagina.
Once you’ve regained your composure, check out our power rankings of the top 50 countries in this year’s games.
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