By far and away my favorite beef ever is the one between Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. Fuck Tupac vs. Biggie, Drake vs. Meek, Spy vs. Spy, Plankton vs. Mr. Krabs. There is literally no beef quite like the one these two have for each other. They go after each other’s wives and kids and policies and say that one of their dad’s killed Kennedy. It’s just bananas. It’s like watching two people shit in their hands and throw it at each with the hope that the other one will stop so they can clean up. Like when Cruz got all upset that Trump was mean to him and then decided to not endorse him for President, a move that got him literally booed him offstage at the RNC. At first, Trump didn’t do anything. I thought the beef was over. I cried. But, today, Trump came back firing. Thank God. And it was so mean. Thank God even more. I’ve been thanking God a lot lately. If anything, Trump’s made me begin to put into use my 16 years of Catholic education. My mom’s pretty pumped about that, so he probably earned her vote.