Imagine a porn star telling you that she’ll give you 16 hours of dick-breaking sex under one small condition: you wrestle a full grown gorilla to the death. Well that’s essentially what Alina Eremenko, better known for her porn name Hennesy, has promised pro Russian soccer player Aleksandr Kokorin.
Hold up.
*Locks door
*Opens new Safari private tab*
*Types in ‘Hennesy Takes A D*
*Ties belt around neck*
*Fervently masturbates*
K. Back.
Hennesy, who won the coveted Adult Video News Award for Best Sex Scene in a Foreign-Shot Production in 2015, initially challenged the FC Zenit Saint Petersburg striker to score five goals at the Euro 2016 soccer tournament, but likely after realizing he’s only scored two goals the entire season, lowered the benchmark to two goals.
This pleased Aleksandr.
The 26-year-old porn star then gave Aleksandr a seductively pep talk that may or may not have given me a chubby.
“If he scores five goals, I promise him a 16-hour long night with me, so he can score for six hours straight.”
“Come one dude, you should do your best. I think it is worth it.” (via)
“After 16 hours of sex, you won’t be able to play football. You should try your best regardless, the challenge is on.”
This is just mean. She’s setting the poor bastard up to fail by giving him irrational hope. Reminds me of Bruce Wayne when he was imprisoned in the well with the open top to give the illusion escape was possible.
‘Hey I know you got spaghetti arms but if you can bench press a Volkswagen five times, I’ll sit on your face for an entire day.’ Nah I’ll just kindly nod out of this one and beat my meat like a battery-drained remote control to your Instagram. Because you can’t fail if you never try.
Would. Strongly would.
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[h/t The Sun]