Where do you want to be right now, Bros?
At a nice quiet bar, three beers in, about to order another before happy hour ends?
Perhaps relaxing at home, on the couch, with a nice Sauv Blanc?
Maybe you wish you were even at the gym, getting in a lift for the first time in a few weeks.
Those are all good thoughts, my dudes, but none of them are where I’d wanna be right now if I were you (or me, for that matter).
Because I’d want to be on Alexis Texas’s Birthday Boat Full of Porn Stars.
Alexis went to Maui this week to celebrate her birthday, and she brought with her her closest porn star friends.
I had no idea porn stars travelled in packs, and now I do, and now we need a name for a pack of porn stars. May I suggest some choices? A load of porn stars? A perv of porn stars? A thong of porn stars?
I’m open to better options.
I know what you are thinking.
DID THEY HAVE A LESBIAN ASS ORGY WHILE THEY WERE THERE AND UPLOAD IT TO INSTAGRAM?
Oh. Yea they did.
Hey, whose ready for this evening’s roll call? Let’s bring back that group shot.
From left to right we have:
Blair Bananas!
Ms. Bananas is currently a contestant on The Sex Factor and owner of a thong bikini.
Hello, Blair Bananas. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Next up? Sexy Jesse J
Does Sexy Jesse Sexy Snorkel? What kind of a question is that, son?
In fact, they all snorkel.
In the middle, of course, is the birthday girl. A happy 31st we are wishing her.
She seems to have enjoyed it.
Second from the right? Why that’s Nikki Benz.
Care to see her in the pool with Alexis doing a water dance to Beyonce’s ‘Formation.’
What’s that? No, you said? You’re tired of watching videos of porn stars? Fuck you.
You’re gonna watch it anyway.
And last but certainly not least is Monique Alexander. On the group’s first day at the resort, Monique took this fun little tumble down the hill.
So, now that you are learned, I ask you again:
Where would you like to be right now?
That’s what I thought.
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