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We’ve all been there. We have a shitload of tedious errands to complete but instead of grabbing the bull by the horns, we grab our schlongs by the shaft. Do we need to masturbate again? No. But our one-eyed monster(ish) is looking up at us saying, ‘could be fun.’ So we cue up Pornhub, scroll to the seventh page to find one we haven’t seen yet, and beat our meat popsicles like a battery-drained remote control.
Then the deafening shame kicks in. As we stare up at the ceiling with our limp, pathetic penises taking a nap in a bed of unkept bed of pubic hair and our belly buttons acting as a baby batter shot glass, we think about where it all went wrong. “Gang bang, Matt. Really?” we say to ourselves. We’re so drained of energy and emotion that if a fire broke out in the apartment, we’d die right then and there. Those pubes would go up like a brush fire. But we don’t care, what’s the point of anything anyway?
Well dude, chill out. I got some good news that makes turning your stomach into a glazed donut well worth it!
Masturbating a lot can significantly improve your health!
According to Metro,
A study published in European Urology has confirmed a link between men ejaculating regularly and a reduced risk of prostate cancer. Researchers tracked 30,000 men for almost 20 years to come up with their results.
It isn’t the first time this link has been made, but it makes the case even more strongly than before, Pink News reports.
The scientists found that men in their 20s who ejaculated at least 21 times a month were 19 per cent less likely to develop prostate cancer than those who did seven times a month or less.
Men in their forties who threw a regular one man party were 22 per cent less likely to be diagnosed.
The study also claims that sexual intercourse achieves the same thing, but lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Moral of the story: Jerking it is as effective as going to the gym. I’ve made my choice for the night.
[h/t Metro]