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If something or someone is ever referred to as the “Fyre Festival of…,” it sucks the hardest. My lady once called me the ‘Fyre Festival of Sex’ because there was a lot of promise and not a lot of delivery. She was kidding. I hope.
In any event, a disastrous Brooklyn pizza festival is currently being dubbed the ‘Fyre Festival of Pizza’ after charging patrons $75 a head and serving them slivers of cold pizza slices at a “shady” Brooklyn parking lot, NBC New York reports. It was such a disappointing shit show that state prosecutors are launching an investigation into the event.
The event, which took place in the Brooklyn neighborhood of Bushwick on Saturday, was promoted as a “day long celebration of the dough, cheese, tasty sauces and delicious toppings,” but ended up being a collection of near-empty tents serving cold, tiny, pizza slices.
A dude by the name of Connell Burke attended the festival and described how pathetic it was to Gothamist.
“It was my girlfriend’s birthday so I got the VIP tickets, so I spent $150 total for the two tickets,” Burke told Gothamist. “There’s three pop-up tents to my left, one where they’re taking cold pizzas out of delivery boxes and cutting them. Those pictures don’t do it justice, because they look like they’re normal-sized plates but they’re actually cake-sized, like what you’d use for cake at a children’s birthday party. They’re small, tiny little slivers of pizza.”
Describing the photo below, Michael Redmond said, “Was supposed to start at 3, finally got in after 4 and this is what we found… a shot of all the great pizzas we sampled!”
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Image may be NSFW.
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The Pizza Festival was marketed to have two sessions on September 9th, including two sold out VIP sessions beginning at 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. The event organizers suspiciously never named any pizzerias by name and to add insult to injury, the organizers also sold a ticket for a ‘hamburger festival’ that was scheduled for the same exact time and place as the Pizza Festival.
The festival organizer, Ishmael Osekre, attributed the disaster to….the flooding in Houston?
Eric Schneiderman, New York Attorney General, has opened an inquiry into the New York Pizza Festival and alleged organizer Ishmael Osekre. Osekre did not respond to Gothamist for a comment.
Moral of the story: If want pizza, pick up a few DiGiorno’s, rip a bong, and watch Avatar. Shelling out $75 to go to a parking lot in Brooklyn for a few slices of pizza sounds like hell on earth to begin with.
[h/t Gothamist]