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“There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals,” once said the man who was recently bagged liking a hardcore porn video on Twitter last night. This is the same man who helped write a 76-page legal brief defending Texas’ ban on the sale of sex toys and equated them to buying a prostitute. But, last night when the rest of the world was, well, watching porn, Ted Cruz finally achieved common ground with the American people.
Cruz, who argued that the government should be granted “police powers” for the purposes of “discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification,” was called out by his college roommate at Princeton for his hypocrisy.
Anyway, Cruz has been trending on Twitter for liking the porno, and at the time of me writing this, has yet to break his silence on the matter. We should give him some time to clean up. In the meantime, lets all come together as a nation and enjoy the plethora of tweets about Cruz beating his hog like a battery-drained remote control.
Working on the internet all day can be a soul-sucking undertaking. Shit like this makes me glad that I completely neglected to leverage my Economics degree and blgoged about politicians bludgeoning their beefsticks. I hope you’re proud of me, dad.